Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public (“NIP”). See the bottom of this post for more information.
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Breasts and Sexuality: Time to Grow Up!
Breastfeeding has been getting a lot of press lately. There has been much debate over whether or not nursing in public is shameful or inappropriate. One of the many common arguments seems to focus around whether or not breastfeeding is sexual in nature. The prevailing consensus appears to be that if it is, it shouldn’t be public and therefore, proponents for nursing in public insist that it’s not sexual. They often make the concession that it is sensual in nature, but not sexual.
Before I get into why I think nursing in public is absolutely appropriate, allow me to first define the words “sensual” and “sexual”.
Sensuality is anything pertaining to the physical gratification of the senses. When we think of something sensual we are thinking of something indulgent. We might describe rich flavors or a heady aroma as sensual. The cool, slippery feeling of satin against our skin or the tingling warmth of a hot bath are sensual experiences.
Sexuality would be anything pertaining to reproduction. If we were discussing animals say, on a nature program, we would study their sexuality from puberty through courtship rituals to how they birth and feed their young. Human sexuality is more complicated, obviously, but my point here is that the study or discussion of sexuality as a whole is not confined merely to the act of copulation. So when we describe something as being sexual in nature, we are not necessarily talking about sex. Anything that relates to our reproductive practices and cycles is sexual in nature.
Based upon these definitions I think that it’s entirely fair to say that breastfeeding is both sexual in nature as well as sensual. This does not mean, however, that I come down on the side of the debate that thinks breastfeeding in public is shameful. On the contrary, I think it’s essential. I think it’s time that society grew up with regards to sex.
I believe that we have confused sexuality with titillation. The reality is that men and women are sexual creatures. Everything alive has a sexual aspect to its nature. For many reasons, mostly religious, our forbearers narrowed in on the act of sex and condemned it as dirty, disgraceful and perverted. They couldn’t do away with sexuality entirely, though, because we are driven by every living cell within us to procreate, to reproduce. So instead they squelched it, made it taboo and shoved it as much as possible into the furthest, darkest reaches of shame and labeled it “sinful”. If they couldn’t stamp it out entirely, they could remove the sensuality from it. We were taught that finding pleasure in sex and anything related to it was wrong.
We’ve come a long way in our society. Women are no longer suppressed as they once were and because of that, neither are the men. In many ways we embrace our sexuality but we do so with the awkwardness and immaturity of youth. We haven’t really grown up yet. We’re still rebelling. In the back of our societal mind, we are still not totally convinced sexuality isn’t sinful. We want to believe it but we’re still struggling to break free of deep-seeded conditioning.
As such, we’ve created a different problem: We don’t embrace sexuality as a whole; we focus on carnality. Women’s bodies have become over-sexualized by the media and in turn, by us. This is especially true of women’s breasts in the U.S.! Once formula really took off and marketing gimmicks had most of our women bottle-feeding from the start, there wasn’t any other purpose for our breasts. So they became exclusively for looking at or displaying as objects of desire.
Regarding breasts in their natural, sexual role, however, takes a mature perspective. As I mentioned before, sexuality isn’t necessarily about having sex. The truth is that breasts are fundamentally sexual in nature because their purpose is directly related to human reproduction: we use them to feed our young. This is why breastfeeding can be “sexual” without being dirty or shameful. We mustn’t confuse the term “sexual” with “titillating”. I think this is the real problem society stumbles over with regards to nursing in public and why breastfeeding advocates get so offended by the idea that breastfeeding is sexual. There is nothing arousing about nursing a baby and society knows this. It’s very few individuals who truly believe that breastfeeding is incestuous and the vast majority of people don’t take these small-minded thinkers seriously, regardless of their feelings about public feeding vs not.
Unfortunately the attitude that has become prevalent is distaste for breasts anywhere outside of a titillating context. It’s not just nursing breasts, its old breasts and fat breasts, too. We don’t like our breasts wrinkly, saggy or with a child attached to them. Most people with this attitude may not even realize that is where their discomfort comes from. However, if breastfeeding should be private-but not because it’s arousing- then why should it be?
Our culture is trying so hard to keep women in an over-sexualized space that we are leaving feminism behind and reaching into a new era of oppression. It’s our children that will pay for this, ultimately. If we mothers allow ourselves to be shamed out of breastfeeding in public then we are perpetuating this insidious, odious attitude. Breastfeeding is beautiful. There are few things on this earth as pure, as right and as perfect as a mother nursing her baby. Do we really want to teach our children that breastfeeding is perverted?! Surely not!
When we consider the benefits that breastfeeding has for our children and ourselves, then we come to realize that breastfeeding is what is best for society as a whole. When we imply by compliance that breastfeeding isn’t appropriate in public, we are silently modeling to our children the very attitude we abhor!
I have two daughters and a son. I don’t want my son growing up thinking that women’s breasts (and by extension, women in general) are just for playing with and objectifying. I don’t want my daughters growing up with this two-dimensional ideal for themselves, either. I sincerely hope that they grow up with a healthy appreciation for the many wondrous and fascinating aspects of women. We are lovers as well as nurturers. We are multi-faceted and that goes for our breasts, as well.
I will nurse shamelessly in public because I refuse to perpetuate the nonsense that women’s bodies are either for sex or disgusting. I want to help society grow up. Shaming a woman for breastfeeding in public reminds me of middle-school children making fun of the only girl in class who’s started her period. It’s childish, immature. It speaks of deep-seeded insecurities and a lack of confidence in itself. I’m not going to pass these insecurities along to my kids. Together, we really can change the world. Yes, it truly can start with something as simple as feeding your baby with pride, in public.
Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public
Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.
Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.
This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts – new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 – Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It
