Weighty Wednesday

So here we are again. Talking about my big, fat butt.

Weighty Wednesday 5!

I’m relieved to announce that after Bitch Week, I only gained .8lbs. This brings my total loss to date at only a little over two lbs. I find this intensely frustrating but I know it’s mostly my fault. I sometimes wish I had the time and the resources to just dedicate most of my energy towards weight-loss. But the reality is that in my personal situation, that would just be selfish and I just don’t think I CARE enough for that. So I’m content with the turtle pace for now. I just need to find that inner motivation to be tough on myself when it comes to sticking to the plan. I am not getting the support I’d hoped for, though, in little ways and some of the support I was promised, even offered, just never happened. I’m starting to realize that if I can’t do it by myself I can’t do it at all. It’s still kind of a lonely road, though.

Once again I come face to face with the truth that for me, weight-loss is about emotional battles. I find this entire process painful and difficult and I don’t even know why! It’s as if there is some kind of mental road-block between me and the will to try harder. I can’t make excuses, really. Yes, there are a lot of things that could happen that would make it easier for me, at least in my head, but that’s not really IT. I’m not sure exactly what is. I’ve got the first thing I need, though. I’m determined! I don’t care if it takes me the next ten years, I WILL see me goals.

Non scale victory: I have managed to get down to a loosely-fitting size 16 and while that might seem huge to some, it’s a big deal to me. I even bought a pair of *gasp* shorts. Do you know how many years it’s been since I’ve worn SHORTS? I’m not entirely disgusted with how they look on me, either. I even plan on buying another pair!

I keep going back to obsessing over the fact I’ve only lost 2lbs. I must remember that I’ve actually lost more than 60 lbs so far, just not on this run. I KNOW I can do this. I can. I WILL.