Welcome to the July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public
This post was written for inclusion in the Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by Dionna and Paige at NursingFreedom.org. All week, July 5-9, we will be featuring articles and posts about nursing in public (“NIP”). See the bottom of this post for more information.
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Breasts and Sexuality: Time to Grow Up!
Breastfeeding has been getting a lot of press lately. There has been much debate over whether or not nursing in public is shameful or inappropriate. One of the many common arguments seems to focus around whether or not breastfeeding is sexual in nature. The prevailing consensus appears to be that if it is, it shouldn’t be public and therefore, proponents for nursing in public insist that it’s not sexual. They often make the concession that it is sensual in nature, but not sexual.
Before I get into why I think nursing in public is absolutely appropriate, allow me to first define the words “sensual” and “sexual”.
Sensuality is anything pertaining to the physical gratification of the senses. When we think of something sensual we are thinking of something indulgent. We might describe rich flavors or a heady aroma as sensual. The cool, slippery feeling of satin against our skin or the tingling warmth of a hot bath are sensual experiences.
Sexuality would be anything pertaining to reproduction. If we were discussing animals say, on a nature program, we would study their sexuality from puberty through courtship rituals to how they birth and feed their young. Human sexuality is more complicated, obviously, but my point here is that the study or discussion of sexuality as a whole is not confined merely to the act of copulation. So when we describe something as being sexual in nature, we are not necessarily talking about sex. Anything that relates to our reproductive practices and cycles is sexual in nature.
Based upon these definitions I think that it’s entirely fair to say that breastfeeding is both sexual in nature as well as sensual. This does not mean, however, that I come down on the side of the debate that thinks breastfeeding in public is shameful. On the contrary, I think it’s essential. I think it’s time that society grew up with regards to sex.
I believe that we have confused sexuality with titillation. The reality is that men and women are sexual creatures. Everything alive has a sexual aspect to its nature. For many reasons, mostly religious, our forbearers narrowed in on the act of sex and condemned it as dirty, disgraceful and perverted. They couldn’t do away with sexuality entirely, though, because we are driven by every living cell within us to procreate, to reproduce. So instead they squelched it, made it taboo and shoved it as much as possible into the furthest, darkest reaches of shame and labeled it “sinful”. If they couldn’t stamp it out entirely, they could remove the sensuality from it. We were taught that finding pleasure in sex and anything related to it was wrong.
We’ve come a long way in our society. Women are no longer suppressed as they once were and because of that, neither are the men. In many ways we embrace our sexuality but we do so with the awkwardness and immaturity of youth. We haven’t really grown up yet. We’re still rebelling. In the back of our societal mind, we are still not totally convinced sexuality isn’t sinful. We want to believe it but we’re still struggling to break free of deep-seeded conditioning.
As such, we’ve created a different problem: We don’t embrace sexuality as a whole; we focus on carnality. Women’s bodies have become over-sexualized by the media and in turn, by us. This is especially true of women’s breasts in the U.S.! Once formula really took off and marketing gimmicks had most of our women bottle-feeding from the start, there wasn’t any other purpose for our breasts. So they became exclusively for looking at or displaying as objects of desire.
Regarding breasts in their natural, sexual role, however, takes a mature perspective. As I mentioned before, sexuality isn’t necessarily about having sex. The truth is that breasts are fundamentally sexual in nature because their purpose is directly related to human reproduction: we use them to feed our young. This is why breastfeeding can be “sexual” without being dirty or shameful. We mustn’t confuse the term “sexual” with “titillating”. I think this is the real problem society stumbles over with regards to nursing in public and why breastfeeding advocates get so offended by the idea that breastfeeding is sexual. There is nothing arousing about nursing a baby and society knows this. It’s very few individuals who truly believe that breastfeeding is incestuous and the vast majority of people don’t take these small-minded thinkers seriously, regardless of their feelings about public feeding vs not.
Unfortunately the attitude that has become prevalent is distaste for breasts anywhere outside of a titillating context. It’s not just nursing breasts, its old breasts and fat breasts, too. We don’t like our breasts wrinkly, saggy or with a child attached to them. Most people with this attitude may not even realize that is where their discomfort comes from. However, if breastfeeding should be private-but not because it’s arousing- then why should it be?
Our culture is trying so hard to keep women in an over-sexualized space that we are leaving feminism behind and reaching into a new era of oppression. It’s our children that will pay for this, ultimately. If we mothers allow ourselves to be shamed out of breastfeeding in public then we are perpetuating this insidious, odious attitude. Breastfeeding is beautiful. There are few things on this earth as pure, as right and as perfect as a mother nursing her baby. Do we really want to teach our children that breastfeeding is perverted?! Surely not!
When we consider the benefits that breastfeeding has for our children and ourselves, then we come to realize that breastfeeding is what is best for society as a whole. When we imply by compliance that breastfeeding isn’t appropriate in public, we are silently modeling to our children the very attitude we abhor!
I have two daughters and a son. I don’t want my son growing up thinking that women’s breasts (and by extension, women in general) are just for playing with and objectifying. I don’t want my daughters growing up with this two-dimensional ideal for themselves, either. I sincerely hope that they grow up with a healthy appreciation for the many wondrous and fascinating aspects of women. We are lovers as well as nurturers. We are multi-faceted and that goes for our breasts, as well.
I will nurse shamelessly in public because I refuse to perpetuate the nonsense that women’s bodies are either for sex or disgusting. I want to help society grow up. Shaming a woman for breastfeeding in public reminds me of middle-school children making fun of the only girl in class who’s started her period. It’s childish, immature. It speaks of deep-seeded insecurities and a lack of confidence in itself. I’m not going to pass these insecurities along to my kids. Together, we really can change the world. Yes, it truly can start with something as simple as feeding your baby with pride, in public.
Welcome to the Carnival of Nursing in Public
Please join us all week, July 5-9, as we celebrate and support breastfeeding mothers. And visit NursingFreedom.org any time to connect with other breastfeeding supporters, learn more about your legal right to nurse in public, and read (and contribute!) articles about breastfeeding and N.I.P.
Do you support breastfeeding in public? Grab this badge for your blog or website to show your support and encourage others to educate themselves about the benefits of breastfeeding and the rights of breastfeeding mothers and children.
This post is just one of many being featured as part of the Carnival of Nursing in Public. Please visit our other writers each day of the Carnival. Click on the links below to see each day’s posts – new articles will be posted on the following days:
July 5 – Making Breastfeeding the Norm: Creating a Culture of Breastfeeding in a Hyper-Sexualized World
July 6 – Supporting Breastfeeding Mothers: the New, the Experienced, and the Mothers of More Than One Nursing Child
July 7 – Creating a Supportive Network: Your Stories and Celebrations of N.I.P.
July 8 – Breastfeeding: International and Religious Perspectives
July 9 – Your Legal Right to Nurse in Public, and How to Respond to Anyone Who Questions It
I agree 100%
In general, as women we are taught to be ashamed of so many normal, natural, and vital parts of our sexuality. This attitude helps no one and I’m pleased to see people rejecting such ridiculous notions!
Your definition of “sexual” (and your categorization of bf’ing as sexual) make complete sense from a scientific standpoint. Americans have such a strange fascination with anything sexual – I agree that it’s time we “grew up.”
Twitter: RCThoughtfulMom
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Thanks for stopping buy guys! Don’t forget to check out some of the other carnival participants!
Every time I read an article like this, it gives me a little more courage. Thank you.
Twitter: RCThoughtfulMom
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I’m so glad to hear that it helped you feel more confident! You’re doing an amazing thing, Mama, hold your head high!
I grew up around women who were proud breastfeeders (namely, my eldest sister who had her first child when I was 11 or 12). I never had any issue with it because I saw it as the norm.
I must say that I do disagree with your premise. I can’t find any reliable definition of the word ‘sexual’ that is as broad as your interpretation. Essentially, the definitions I have found are either division of a species by gender or ‘of or pertaining to the act of sex’ . By this token, I can say that I don’t think breastfeeding is sexual at all, which should really end the debate. We know that breastfeeding isn’t arousing, and now we know that by dictionary definitions it isn’t sexual either, so why would it be offensive?
This is merely one facet of a bigger problem: Americans’ image of anything that can be related to sexuality (such as breasts) and what it means to them. If you look at television, print ads, or media from many parts of the world in general, nudity is common and considered relatively pedestrian. What’s worse is that this dynamic is not confined to nudity.
America’s attitude toward drugs and alcohol makes their use more prevalent and therefore more damaging. Anything that is shoved under the rug and made taboo ends up being energized in the process. When you have so much energy invested in a concept or an object, that energy attracts people even as it polarizes them. Again, one need only look at other cultures — especially those in Europe — to see that de-stigmatizing these things often results in a sharp decline in use, misuse, and abuse.
This brings me back to a point of relevance, where I am in agreement with the author of this piece. If we de-stigmatize an issue that is so highly charged, it loses that energy and becomes a relative non-issue.
I will finish by saying that perhaps this is purely my experience, but it seems to me that breastfeeding publicly has become more and more prevalent throughout my lifetime, and that barring legislative barriers I’ll be surprised if the trend doesn’t continue.
Twitter: RCThoughtfulMom
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Thanks for adding your perspective, Triger23.
I think you have a valid point, although I agree that sexual is not quite the right word here.
People who did not grow up in a breastfeeding culture often see breastfeeding as something like menstruation–a women’s private, distasteful concern that should never be seen or talked about.
And by the way, menstruation has to do with birth and reproduction yet it’s not sexual.
Twitter: RCThoughtfulMom
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Thanks for your comment. I respectfully disagree. Menstruation is part of a woman’s sexual life cycle, in fact, reproduction would be completely impossible without the process that causes menstruation in the first place. Again, culturally, we confuse sexuality with the process of actually having sex. It’s unfortunate that we have the same words to cover to different scopes of consideration. There is “sexual” in the context of encouraging a sexual liaison and there is “sexual” in the context of scientific discussions about an organism’s sexual cycles. One generally doesn’t think of ovaries as sexual either, but I assure you that they are. Now if someone tries to fondle them, well, I’d say you have a problem!
Fantastic post! It is so well articulated. I love your descriptor words and how they make your article even more poignant: sexual, sensual, titillation, carnal. Important distinctions.
I must agree that nursing is sexual as you have defined it. BTW, in response to the definition of sexual being about the “act of sex” the dictionary lists several meanings of the word sexual and not all have to do with the act of sex itself. Regardless of that fact we must consider biology. The same hormones are present during orgasm, birth, and nursing your child. Interesting.
Thank you! This was a interesting read!
Please don’t put me into a little group of perverted folks who think breastfeeding is incestuous, when I say this…
I just want to clarify what you mean you say it is agreed that breastfeeding is not arousing.
Sometimes when breastfeeding is spoken of, it sounds like advocates are saying that it is a “turn off”. A nursing woman is totally unattractive. While I don’t believe the act is arousing or a “turn on”, I believe a woman can be seen as very beautiful & desirable, even while she is nursing.
To be honest with you, this idea that it is not attractive was the only thing that scared me to breastfeed, before my oldest daughter was born. I was nervous that it was so unattractive, that my sex life with my husband would take a hit.
But, I read encouraging stuff in the Eiger & Olds Complete Book of Breastfeeding. It gave me confidence. My fears were unfounded. My husband didn’t find nursing to be a turn off at all.
I’m not so sure that our culture is hyper sexualized. I think our culture sees sex wrongly. You make good points toward that when you address the fact that “We don’t like our breasts wrinkly, saggy or with a child attached to them.”
Sex is not the problem. It is objectyfing women & defining attractiveness in a tiny box.
Nude or partially nude pictures of women is a huge problem.
How do you feel about pregnant pictures & nursing pictures that are like this? Do you think they aid the cause? Such as the the models here – http://www.bestforbabes.org/
I feel this only adds to the issues of our culture. Why can’t we embrace pregnancy & breastfeeding, without posing nude for the cause? It makes no sense to me.
Twitter: RCThoughtfulMom
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Natasha, I don’t know how I missed your comment but thank you! You are absolutely right about the word sexual as defined in the dictionary. I checked several different editions for both the words sensual and sexual before writing out my paraphrased definitions. Also, I hadn’t thought about the hormonal aspect of it but you are absolutely right.
Erin! Such wonderful insights! I follow bestforbabes on facebook because I do support normalizing breastfeeding, however, I DO take issue with their methodology. I’m not sure how to explain WHY though. Have you ever noticed that pretty much every organization that promotes breastfeeding manages to find the youngest, most attractive women they can find with the most perfect sized breasts etc, etc? I dunno, I’ll have to think more on this but I hear what you’re saying.
The reality is that there is a difference between “sexy” and arousing in an inappropriate way…but not always. I saw a woman a while back, while I was out to dinner, that was absolutely sexy. She was tall and curvy and confident. She was dressed very modestly but very classy. She wore a long black dress that was fitting, but not spray painted on, heels and looked like a million bucks. Definitely sexy. But there was nothing overtly provocative about the way she was dressed. I can only assume she was out on a date with the man she was with. Anyway, I don’t think even the most conservative among us would have asked her to please go home and change, go eat in the bathroom or cover herself. I think breastfeeding can be alluring perhaps in this way but certainly not in any shameful, threatening fashion. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself well, though. I will say that my husband enjoys watching me nurse but has never been bothered by me nursing in public, either. So there is definitely a distinction, there.
No, I don’t think breastfeeding women should be seen as absolutely unattractive, that was kind of my point! There is NOTHING WRONG with breastfeeding being a little sexy! IT IS! Women. are. sexy. Society can deal with that. That doesn’t make breastfeeding a baby incestuous. People get so tripped up over any word that contains s-e-x that they seem to momentarily forget how to reason. Ever noticed that?
Thank you, Rebekah! I feel yours is the only blog I have read that is addressing this issue well. You are point on. There is nothing wrong with being sexy. It doesn’t mean you are being provocative.
I am so confused with the pro breastfeeding arguments that down play the allurement of it (e.g. “my husband says it is so not sexy” “nursing is normal, therefore it is not sexy”) & then promote breastfeeding with the perfect, young topless models.
Let’s just all be unashamed to nurse. In public. Where ever we are.
And, let’s stop showing off our naked ladies to the whole world.
Let’s be whole, healthy women.
I am so grateful to have a husband who has a healthy view of sexuality.
He loves me
& desires me, not just when I am purposely “alluring” for him.
He loves all of me. I am his woman.
Not an object that is sometimes attractive, if I put on the right show.
Again, thanks! I think you are addressing this very misunderstood subject very well.
I know I’m coming super-late to the party, but I just wanted to say that if anyone ever hassles me about NIP (my only child so far still has a couple months in utero before it even becomes an issue), this post will have inspired me to say, “Why does it bother you? Does it arouse you sexually? No? In fact, I’d bet the reason it disgusts you is because it DOESN’T arouse you. Because I’m neither covering my body nor using it for your sexual satisfaction. You’re the pervert, here, demanding I constantly be ready to perform sexually for your viewing pleasure! Hey everyone!! This sicko just *demanded* that I allow them to use my body as a sex object!!!” Well, okay, maybe not the last part, because I’d have to unlatch the baby or cover up for most Americans to see it as a valid argument, but still.
Twitter: RCThoughtfulMom
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Brie, I’m so glad you found it encouraging! Congratulations on your new addition!