Comments on: July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public!!!

By: Rebekah C

Rebekah C — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 21:10:35 +0000

Brie, I’m so glad you found it encouraging! Congratulations on your new addition!

By: Brie B.

Brie B. — Mon, 13 Dec 2010 21:00:18 +0000

I know I’m coming super-late to the party, but I just wanted to say that if anyone ever hassles me about NIP (my only child so far still has a couple months in utero before it even becomes an issue), this post will have inspired me to say, “Why does it bother you? Does it arouse you sexually? No? In fact, I’d bet the reason it disgusts you is because it DOESN’T arouse you. Because I’m neither covering my body nor using it for your sexual satisfaction. You’re the pervert, here, demanding I constantly be ready to perform sexually for your viewing pleasure! Hey everyone!! This sicko just *demanded* that I allow them to use my body as a sex object!!!” Well, okay, maybe not the last part, because I’d have to unlatch the baby or cover up for most Americans to see it as a valid argument, but still.

By: erin

erin — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 15:35:01 +0000

Thank you, Rebekah! I feel yours is the only blog I have read that is addressing this issue well. You are point on. There is nothing wrong with being sexy. It doesn’t mean you are being provocative.
I am so confused with the pro breastfeeding arguments that down play the allurement of it (e.g. “my husband says it is so not sexy” “nursing is normal, therefore it is not sexy”) & then promote breastfeeding with the perfect, young topless models.
Let’s just all be unashamed to nurse. In public. Where ever we are.
And, let’s stop showing off our naked ladies to the whole world.
Let’s be whole, healthy women.
I am so grateful to have a husband who has a healthy view of sexuality.
He loves me
& desires me, not just when I am purposely “alluring” for him.
He loves all of me. I am his woman.
Not an object that is sometimes attractive, if I put on the right show.

Again, thanks! I think you are addressing this very misunderstood subject very well.

By: Rebekah C

Rebekah C — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 03:18:05 +0000

Natasha, I don’t know how I missed your comment but thank you! You are absolutely right about the word sexual as defined in the dictionary. I checked several different editions for both the words sensual and sexual before writing out my paraphrased definitions. Also, I hadn’t thought about the hormonal aspect of it but you are absolutely right.

Erin! Such wonderful insights! I follow bestforbabes on facebook because I do support normalizing breastfeeding, however, I DO take issue with their methodology. I’m not sure how to explain WHY though. Have you ever noticed that pretty much every organization that promotes breastfeeding manages to find the youngest, most attractive women they can find with the most perfect sized breasts etc, etc? I dunno, I’ll have to think more on this but I hear what you’re saying.

The reality is that there is a difference between “sexy” and arousing in an inappropriate way…but not always. I saw a woman a while back, while I was out to dinner, that was absolutely sexy. She was tall and curvy and confident. She was dressed very modestly but very classy. She wore a long black dress that was fitting, but not spray painted on, heels and looked like a million bucks. Definitely sexy. But there was nothing overtly provocative about the way she was dressed. I can only assume she was out on a date with the man she was with. Anyway, I don’t think even the most conservative among us would have asked her to please go home and change, go eat in the bathroom or cover herself. I think breastfeeding can be alluring perhaps in this way but certainly not in any shameful, threatening fashion. I’m not sure if I’m explaining myself well, though. I will say that my husband enjoys watching me nurse but has never been bothered by me nursing in public, either. So there is definitely a distinction, there.

No, I don’t think breastfeeding women should be seen as absolutely unattractive, that was kind of my point! There is NOTHING WRONG with breastfeeding being a little sexy! IT IS! Women. are. sexy. Society can deal with that. That doesn’t make breastfeeding a baby incestuous. People get so tripped up over any word that contains s-e-x that they seem to momentarily forget how to reason. Ever noticed that?

By: erin

erin — Mon, 12 Jul 2010 23:41:05 +0000

Thank you! This was a interesting read!
Please don’t put me into a little group of perverted folks who think breastfeeding is incestuous, when I say this…
I just want to clarify what you mean you say it is agreed that breastfeeding is not arousing.
Sometimes when breastfeeding is spoken of, it sounds like advocates are saying that it is a “turn off”. A nursing woman is totally unattractive. While I don’t believe the act is arousing or a “turn on”, I believe a woman can be seen as very beautiful & desirable, even while she is nursing.
To be honest with you, this idea that it is not attractive was the only thing that scared me to breastfeed, before my oldest daughter was born. I was nervous that it was so unattractive, that my sex life with my husband would take a hit.
But, I read encouraging stuff in the Eiger & Olds Complete Book of Breastfeeding. It gave me confidence. My fears were unfounded. My husband didn’t find nursing to be a turn off at all.
I’m not so sure that our culture is hyper sexualized. I think our culture sees sex wrongly. You make good points toward that when you address the fact that “We don’t like our breasts wrinkly, saggy or with a child attached to them.”
Sex is not the problem. It is objectyfing women & defining attractiveness in a tiny box.
Nude or partially nude pictures of women is a huge problem.
How do you feel about pregnant pictures & nursing pictures that are like this? Do you think they aid the cause? Such as the the models here – http://www.bestforbabes.org/
I feel this only adds to the issues of our culture. Why can’t we embrace pregnancy & breastfeeding, without posing nude for the cause? It makes no sense to me.

By: Natasha

Natasha — Sat, 10 Jul 2010 07:43:17 +0000

Fantastic post! It is so well articulated. I love your descriptor words and how they make your article even more poignant: sexual, sensual, titillation, carnal. Important distinctions.

I must agree that nursing is sexual as you have defined it. BTW, in response to the definition of sexual being about the “act of sex” the dictionary lists several meanings of the word sexual and not all have to do with the act of sex itself. Regardless of that fact we must consider biology. The same hormones are present during orgasm, birth, and nursing your child. Interesting.

By: Rebekah C

Rebekah C — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 22:30:41 +0000

Thanks for your comment. I respectfully disagree. Menstruation is part of a woman’s sexual life cycle, in fact, reproduction would be completely impossible without the process that causes menstruation in the first place. Again, culturally, we confuse sexuality with the process of actually having sex. It’s unfortunate that we have the same words to cover to different scopes of consideration. There is “sexual” in the context of encouraging a sexual liaison and there is “sexual” in the context of scientific discussions about an organism’s sexual cycles. One generally doesn’t think of ovaries as sexual either, but I assure you that they are. Now if someone tries to fondle them, well, I’d say you have a problem!

By: Hannah @A Mother in Israel

Hannah @A Mother in Israel — Wed, 07 Jul 2010 21:34:40 +0000

I think you have a valid point, although I agree that sexual is not quite the right word here.
People who did not grow up in a breastfeeding culture often see breastfeeding as something like menstruation–a women’s private, distasteful concern that should never be seen or talked about.
And by the way, menstruation has to do with birth and reproduction yet it’s not sexual.

By: Rebekah C

Rebekah C — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:59:12 +0000

Thanks for adding your perspective, Triger23.

By: Trigger23

Trigger23 — Tue, 06 Jul 2010 19:32:12 +0000

I grew up around women who were proud breastfeeders (namely, my eldest sister who had her first child when I was 11 or 12). I never had any issue with it because I saw it as the norm.

I must say that I do disagree with your premise. I can’t find any reliable definition of the word ‘sexual’ that is as broad as your interpretation. Essentially, the definitions I have found are either division of a species by gender or ‘of or pertaining to the act of sex’ . By this token, I can say that I don’t think breastfeeding is sexual at all, which should really end the debate. We know that breastfeeding isn’t arousing, and now we know that by dictionary definitions it isn’t sexual either, so why would it be offensive?

This is merely one facet of a bigger problem: Americans’ image of anything that can be related to sexuality (such as breasts) and what it means to them. If you look at television, print ads, or media from many parts of the world in general, nudity is common and considered relatively pedestrian. What’s worse is that this dynamic is not confined to nudity.

America’s attitude toward drugs and alcohol makes their use more prevalent and therefore more damaging. Anything that is shoved under the rug and made taboo ends up being energized in the process. When you have so much energy invested in a concept or an object, that energy attracts people even as it polarizes them. Again, one need only look at other cultures — especially those in Europe — to see that de-stigmatizing these things often results in a sharp decline in use, misuse, and abuse.

This brings me back to a point of relevance, where I am in agreement with the author of this piece. If we de-stigmatize an issue that is so highly charged, it loses that energy and becomes a relative non-issue.

I will finish by saying that perhaps this is purely my experience, but it seems to me that breastfeeding publicly has become more and more prevalent throughout my lifetime, and that barring legislative barriers I’ll be surprised if the trend doesn’t continue.