I started this particular blog largely because my husband bought me my own domain and encouraged me to try to make something of it. He knows how much I love blogging and it meant so much to me that he gave me this gift that I got it into my head I had to make it a success NOW NOW NOW!!!

So I joined a bunch of communities and set out to make my blog successful like so many others. I was trying to follow all kinds of advice that’s offered up: comment tons on everybody else’s stuff! Write every day or as close to that as possible! Have some kind of form to your blog: i.e, what you write about, be true to your audience, etc etc etc.

Guys, I’ve come to a conclusion about all of that and how it relates to me: it doesn’t. I can’t blog this way. I hate it. I’m just going to write what I want to, when I want to and if that means I don’t have lots of followers and my blog is terribly unpopular, fine. I want to blog because I enjoy it and I don’t want to feel like I have to take take take away from my family in order for it to be successful. No more “Weighty Wednesdays” or any of that crap. No more random articles *unless I want to*. Don’t get me wrong, I read plenty of blogs that have that kind of form and there is nothing wrong with it and I LIKE them. But I don’t like writing that way. At all.

I think the best advice I’ve come across in my personal life and in the blogging world is to remember that nobody writes like I do. I don’t need to do things the way anyone else does because what makes my writing worth reading is the fact that it’s unique; it’s me.

So from now on, this blog is just me. Whatever I want to write. You might hear me gushing about my kids or ranting about “Oh Noes!!! Someone is wrong on the internet!” but I’m through trying to be successful “like the other girls”. I’m just me. This is me, this is my space and I welcome anyone reading to stay. I won’t be offended if you don’t, though.

And now I do actually have something I want to talk about but it’s going in it’s own post.

I wuv you guys!

So yeh, 202lbs. One step forward, two steps back. Ugh.

All of my births were incredible experiences but Ethan’s birth was especially ecstatic.  I will never, ever forget the intensity of those sensations.  Morgan’s birth was painful.  Abigail’s birth was, too, but it was more riddled with emotional obstacles than it was with pain (not saying it didn’t hurt!!!).  Ethan’s birth had painful moments but the overwhelming thing I walked away from that birth with was the memory of pleasure.  I’m not talking orgasmic birth, here, I have never experienced that for myself.  But after Ethan’s birth, I’m completely convinced it’s possible.   Emotionally, it was the most satisfying birth I’ve had.  Physically it left me feeling exhilarated and exultant.

My favorite memory from his birth was when his head was born slowly into my hand.  There is nothing I’ve ever experienced that can even touch that moment.  It was like standing with one leg on either side of an indescribable rift.  One foot in “we are one” and one foot in “we are two”.  The experience was nothing short of Magic.

Everything about his birth makes me smile when I think back on it.  There was never a moment of uncertainty or fear. Never a moment where I felt overwhelmed by what was going on.  Only happy and excited (ok, there was that bit where I was afraid I’d have in the car…lol).  I really enjoy hard work and I’d put childbirth at the top of that list, lol.  My friends were there.  My children were there.  It was just…right.  Perfect.  Glorious.

The little person born into the world that day is such a gift.  Ethan is that baby that makes everyone smile.   People that don’t even like babies can’t resist him.  He’s charming and sweet and a TOTAL flirt!  I remember, when I first lifted him from the water, being completely shocked at how beautiful he was!  I mean, of course all my babies were beautiful, every mother thinks so, but let’s be honest here: my girls were bald-headed little prune faces!  This little guy came out with a full head of dark hair and the most perfect little face ever.  He was just lovely to look at.  He had (and still has) these huge little man hands and these precious little wrinkled toes.  He’s still got a full head of hair (though, while it’s still brown, it’s not nearly as dark) and the most delicious smile EVAR!

Now he’s a chunky-cheeked, thunder-thighed little toddler.  He’s WALKING.  He’s climbing steps (OH NO!).  He laughs and squeals and just seems to totally love being here.  He adores his sisters like no one else on earth.  In fact, today, they were playing with a neighbor across the street and I eventually had to take him in because he just would NOT stop trying to follow them!

I can’t even believe how much he’s grown.  He is by FAR my largest baby.  None of my kids will ever top the charts but he’s got his sister’s beat!  He only weighs a couple of pounds less than Abigail (who is 3yo!!).

Anyway, what’s he up to these days?

As I mentioned Ethan is officially walking.  He’s only been really doing it for a little over a week and he is SERIOUS about getting good at it.  He also just learned to climb the steps. And I don’t mean he gets up a step or two and is all proud of himself.  I mean one second he’s in the living room and in the time it takes me to change the trash bags he’s all the way at the top, the sneaky lil bugger.  This ies a skill he only JUST learned Sunday.  The very first time he tried it, he made it to the top.  *shudder* I admit I’m not really exited about it but HE sure is!

He says “Mama, “Hi” and “Dadda”.  His Mama is clear but repeated (Like “Mamama, Mamama,”) and he typically only does it when he’s REALLY wanting my attention (as in whining because he’s tired or hungry or upset that he’s in “jail” behind a baby gate).  His “Dada” I’m not entirely sure of.  He definitely knows Dada is Tony and he def “talks” about his Daddy and refers to him that way…but it’s also his favorite noise to make so he says it a lot even when he’s NOT referring to Daddy.   And “Hi” is new.  The first time I heard him say it was yesterday. I said, “Hi Baby Boy!” and he waved at me and said “Ha! Ha? Ha!”  He did the same thing several times today, too, including greeting Grammy that way when she came in the door.  She was very pleased with that greeting!

Waving hello and goodbye is not the only sign he makes.  He also makes the potty sign when I make it to him and will pat his mouth when you ask him where his nose is (NO idea why, but it’s funny!).  I’ve been working on signs with him just this week because he’s very textile that way and where Abigail had ZERO interest in signing, Ethan seems to prefer it.

He has four teeth and is working on two more, though he has the worst time of teething of all my kids.  Really, it makes him miserable.  The girls would have one or two rough days, I’d think there was one coming in, then there’d be nothing and then a week later they’d have four new teeth. NO JOKE.  Ethan has rough days and then more rough days and then MORE rough days and then…there’s a tooth, just barely, through the surface.  Rinse, repeat.

He elephant walks when he’s crawling outside.  He doesn’t like the way grass OR cement feels on his knees so he takes off on his hands and feet.  He’s quite fast and lately, he goes from elephant walk, to standing, to walking, without any assistance from stationary objects.

I think I might have mentioned his incredible smile.  Really, with those chunky apple-cheeks, he’s giving the Clause a run for his money.

He LIKES women.  I mean, I know he’s a baby, but someone needs to tell Ethan that.  Women coo at him and he gets all coy and bashful and starts peeking at them from behind his lashes *just so*, smiles, buries his face, does it again.  It’s shameless flirting, I tell you!

At last check he weighed over 20lbs and I don’t know how much he’s at now but if it’s under 22-23 I’ll drop dead.  He wears 12-18mo sized clothes, except in pants.  One thing he shares with his sisters is being rather short.  So pants are often too long on him and 18mo sized sleepers are ridiculously too big. But he’s a serious chubster so 18mo shirts fit him the best.

He is not the cuddler the girls were so when he does get all snuggly, it’s particularly heart-warming.

His favorite game is Peek-a-boo.  And none of that hand nonsense, I mean, whole body peek-a-boo.  He loves it when we get behind something we can both crawl around, like a park bench, the table or a chair.  He peeks his little head around and we go “Boo!”  or “RAH!” and he laughs and goes to the other side. His second-favorite game is mimicking what people do.  Like, banging on the table, making silly noises or shouting “RAH” or SCREECHING with his sisters (NOT my favorite game!)  He especially likes to play this game with Morgan.  Nobody gets full belly laughs out of him like she does.  He simply ADORES her.

And the girls adore him right back, sometimes more enthusiastically than he appreciates. Tonight when trying to sing him Happy-Birthday, he kept reaching for his cake.  He couldn’t actually reach it but Abby didn’t realize that and kept gently pushing him back in his seat, fearing he’d burn himself on the candle.  She was SO intent on keeping him safe that Tony had to get quite stern with her to get her to stop “protecting” him and by that time he was crying and poor Abby was upset because she just didn’t want him to get hurt.  They love him to death and are both very protective of him.  They share all their food with him, fight over who gets to feed him, who gets to “find his bottle”.  Abigail tells ME what he is and is not wearing on a daily basis and they beg and plead for him to join them in playing with their friends (impossible!), bathing, really, anything they are doing.  It’s precious!

All in all, this family would totally not be complete without him.  He’s like our Baby Beefcake Mascot.  He greets everyone of us with a huge, sparkling grin and outstretched arms.  Even my MIL can’t come in the door and stay sour, even on her most difficult days.  He really seems to have a special love for her and she responds to it helplessly like the rest of us.

So Happy Birthday, my precious little one.  We don’t know where we’d be without you.  You’re like a tiny, chubby little Sunbeam in our lives!  We love you, Baby Boy.

The think I’ve skipped two.  One for Bitch Week and one because I was getting ready to go “out of town” and didn’t want to be bothered with it beings as Bitch week had only ended the day before.  But I promised myself that would be the last one skipped and by golly, I’m keeping my promise!  Better late than never, eh?

Alrighty!  So Wednesday morning I woke up obsessing about the scale.  I actually had been secretey obsessing about how fat I am the entire bloody weekend previous.  I’m a Celiac by default diagnosis and also broke, so you can imagine what eating at a convention must be like for me.  I pretty much lived off of pulled pork (the freaking greasiest pulled pork I’ve ever eaten in my LIFE) and French Fries, Hot Wings or Chinese Food.  Carefully.

Unfortunately for me, something got me.  I don’t know exactly what it was (my guess is contaminated fryer grease) but the bloat hit me and not only that, but I was sharing a room with a very old friend that has expounded upon what is and is not attractive in women to me MANY times over the last 11yrs and let’s just say that I’m not in the “happy” category.  Yes, sometimes, being “one of the guys” kinda blows.  In any case, as much as I enjoy his company, I’m always hyper conscious of how humangatoid I am when I’m around him.  Not only that but I had a pretty emotionally difficult weekend so by Wednesday, I just wasn’t feeling the whole “weigh myself” thing.

But you know how it is.  You go in the bathroom on weigh-in day and you can hear it;  that sinister little voice in corner.  “You know I’m here.  Stand on me!  The curiosity will KEEL YOU if you don’t!”  With resignation, I obeyed “the call”.

Now, generally, I don’t weigh myself during Bitch Week at all.  But last week, despite not making a post, I DID.  It wasn’t really Bitch week anymore and I wanted a point of reference for the next.  I was actually pleased with that number, it didn’t show a much change from the time before, at 203lbs.  But after the weekend I’d had of eating nothing but garbage, I was pretty sure I wasn’t going to be happy with my results that morning.

Step on the scale…hold my breath…wait for it to stop wheezing and…200lbs?!  Srsly?  Must be a mistake!  Step of scale, shake it, make sure it’s set properly, squish it again and…AAANNNDDD..200lbs!  WAHOO!!!!

In retrospect, the only thing I can figure is that I didn’t overeat AND I walked, seriously, probably 40mi over the weekend.  My feet hurt soooooo badly by the end!  My sciatica is STILL unhappy with me.  I definitely consumed more coffee than food, too.

Anyway, so that’s 3lbs down in one week.  I’m pretty happy with that.  I’m only 1lb away from my first goal!  Yay!

Anyway, I just know you missed me oh so much!  I missed you too!  So, back to the blogosphere I come.  :)

Hi, my name is : Rebekah

Never in my life: Have I been outside of the country.

I hate it when: my plans get wrecked.

Right now, I am listening to: My God-daughter and my kids watching a movie upstairs. Having a 9yo is awesome, even Ethan is up there!

If you’re going to talk smack about me: Don’t call yourself my friend. It’s one thing to vent to another friend but “talking smack” isn’t something friends do. Don’t say anything you wouldn’t say to my face.

The one who can drive me nuts: is pretty much anybody. Nobody is perfect and I think everyone we know has a button or two they can push.

When I get nervous: I have a hard time talking to people or if I have to talk to people, I laugh like an idiot too much.

The last song I listened to was: Something by Epica.

If you were to get married today your maid of honor/best man would be: Impossible. It’d be like an Honor Club or something.

My hair is: Very coarse. Black women have referred to it as “nappy” and I’ve been asked many times throughout my adult life if I am of mixed ethnicity. The funny thing is that I don’t know! It could be! When I was little, it was straight as a board but now that I’m older, it’s curly. Not just wavy anymore, either, in the last two years it’s become downright curly. I’m actually pretty pleased with it, except for the coarseness.

When I was 4 I remember: We lived in Annapolis. I had a friend named Hopie Gretem (no idea how her name is spelled). I wonder what happened to her?

Last Christmas: was good in the sense that the kids had a great time but I felt it was a total flop.

When I look down: I see cleavage.

The happiest recent thing was: Realizing that my family was not going to shrivel up and die here.

My current annoyance is: My head hurts.

I have a hard time understanding: The point behind polite lying to a friend. Don’t bullshit me.  A) I know you’re doing it and it pisses me off.  B) In most cases I know what the truth actually is so when you’re bullshitting me, it not only makes me angry but it’s insulting to me that you think I’m that effing stupid.

There’s this girl I know: That I have a lot of respect and love for and miss very much.

The thing I want to buy is: A CAR

If you visited the place I’m from: Take a lot of pictures so I can see. I haven’t been there since my parents moved away from there when I was 3mo old. I hear it’s beautiful.

Last thing I’ve bought myself: Was, uh…probably a Diet Pepsi

Most recent thing someone else bought me was: A little fudge square.  It was nommy.

My middle name is: Lynne

Last night I was: Reading old threads on the message boards while hiding from life.

Tomorrow I am: Leaving the house first thing in the morning, not to return until Monday morning.

Tonight I am: somehow going to pack four separate people up and have the house clean and a meal prepared to feed my husband through the weekend.

Anyway, it just so happens that she and another fabulous blogger host a wonderful blog called The Red Dress Club. The Red Dress Club is a blog that caters to women who love to write. I love to write and I want to be a better writer so of course I joined up!

There are buttons on my side-bar for these two blogs, if anyone is interested in checking them out. And you should be. Because they are totally awesome!

Each week, Red Dress does a meme challenge where everyone submits a piece of writing and checks out the pieces submitted by others. I think this sounds like fun, don’t you?

This week’s Meme was called “Pick a Number”. I’d love it if you read mine, A Closing Reverie. I would love Love LOVE it if you commented!