I’m a SAHM to three children, ages 6yrs, 3yrs and 1yr old. I discovered EC (elimination communication) when my oldest was 4mo old and we’ve been hooked ever since. We’ve practiced everything from full-time, diaperless EC to part-time with disposable backup EC and everything in between. Over the last six years, I’ve learned that potty independence is a natural thing that children are instinctively driven to learn, just as they are driven to learn to walk and feed themselves. My purpose here is not to explain what EC is, but to address some of the commonly perceived “cons” of this approach to potty learning.
Practicing EC is dependent upon the knowledge that children naturally want to be clean and emulate the people around them. It’s dependent upon the understanding that children, even from birth, instinctively communicate their needs to us and that we have the ability to perceive those needs and react accordingly.
The only actual “con” that exists is that EC is so rarely practiced in Western culture that it isn’t well supported. It’s not something most of us learn as we grow up so those first few days or weeks using this method are much more challenging than they are for our sisters around the world.
Most of the cons people present to me are actually misconceptions that are a reflection of this truth, rather than actual negatives within the method itself. The three most common of these are as follows:
1) Isn’t it too much work?
2) Isn’t it messy and unsanitary?
3) Isn’t it just “parent-training”?
Let’s start with number one. For most people, the idea that a baby is aware of his elimination needs and able to communicate them is a totally foreign concept. We aren’t looking for those cues because we don’t realize there are any! Not only that but a lot of people have this perception that babies are unaware of the fact they need to go and some people even insist that babies aren’t aware they are “going” at all. The two of these issues make EC look overwhelmingly difficult and labor intensive. Pleasantly, neither of these assumptions are true which means EC isn’t all that labor intensive after all.
It is complete misinformation that babies cannot feel and are unaware of their need to eliminate. Babies are very much aware that they have to “go” and, while they are unable to withhold against pressure, they ARE able to release at will. If you think about it, you’ll realize you’ve seen proof of this many times, possibly even cracked jokes about it. Have you ever watched a baby turn red in the face while “doing their business?” How about grunting happily along and then a BIG SMILE when they’re done? It’s amazing what we accept as “fact” without really thinking about it, isn’t it? Babies can feel when they’re hungry and it only makes sense that they can feel when they need to pee or poop, as well. Their nerve endings hardly fail at the belly button, right?
Making the transition from being aware the baby has gone to being aware that the baby needs to go is enlightening but, admittedly a bit of a challenge. It’s not part of our culture, most of us have never observed anyone else doing it and it takes a little while to get used to. However, we pay this kind of attention to our babies all of the time without even realizing it. We watch for signs the baby is hungry before she begins to cry hysterically. We look for obvious indications of discomfort to help us figure out why she’s upset. Doing these things is instinctual; we don’t think of it as “work” so much as just part of having a baby. A few days of observing the baby might feel like more work than just putting the diaper back on and forgetting about it, but if you stick with it, it soon becomes second nature.
Not only that but once making catches becomes routine, it becomes far less work than standard diapering. I’ve yet to meet a mother that doesn’t understand the horrors of diaper explosions. Imagine for a moment, what it would be like if that “explosion” had all neatly gone into a potty? Far less mess to clean up, I assure you. So to sum up point number one: EC isn’t really more work; it’s just different work.
Let’s move on to the second “con” that is often brought to my attention: The idea that it might be messy or perhaps unsanitary. It absolutely amazes me how many people think EC is actually just parents allowing their kids to poop all over the place without doing anything about it.
People hear “un-diapering” and they imagine life as always, except without a diaper. I have to admit, if that is actually how it worked, it would be pretty gross. Thankfully, it doesn’t work that way at all! That said, there is a little fact about having babies and toddlers I think every parent should be aware of: there will be poop.
There will be poop in places you don’t want there to be poop and it is not charming. In my personal experience, I have not found this to be more true practicing EC than with any other method of potty learning. Most parents have at least one poop-story and most Western parents aren’t practicing EC.
Despite six continuous years of doing this, I only have three poop stories and one of them doesn’t even involve my own child! It is entirely likely that there will be poop at some point in the EC journey but not any more likely than you’d expect in any other situation. It is far more likely that if there is going to be a miss, it’s going to be pee. For one thing, whether you are ECing or not, impending poop is usually pretty obvious and easy to catch before it happens.
Secondly, kids pee way more frequently than they poop. When I first switched to EC I was shocked how often tiny babies need to go! But if you’re used to diapering, you aren’t really paying attention to how often they go and even the most diligent diaper changer isn’t going to be aware because wet is wet . It’s either a little wet or it’s VERY wet but there isn’t any reliable way of counting pees when you’re using a diaper.
So getting the hang of pee-needs generally means misses on the floor (or in your lap). There are ways around this, though! If you’re starting with an infant, make a habit of keeping something absorbent under them! I’ve seen people use everything from lamb-skin to folded-up dish-towels or pre-folds. I put my son in regular old trainers these days. This keeps the floor dry and your lap dry, too. When my youngest daughter was born I just swaddled her with a prefold between her legs. I could easily see every time she went and just made the cue noise then and switched cloths. Once the baby learns the cue noise and you become confident in offering “pottytunities” , miss frequency drops considerably and you’ll find “mess” concerns to be nearly non-existent. EC isn’t any more messy or unsanitary than diapering. Once again we see that it’s just an entirely different approach.
Moving on to “con” number three! The most common comment I’ve heard in response to EC is that “It’s just parent training”. It appears that many parents are concerned that the child isn’t learning anything from this method and that it is, in fact, the parent who is being trained. The concern seems to be that conventional methods will be needed after all, if EC is practiced.
While I understand the concern I have to say that this perspective certainly doesn’t give the child much credit. Let us consider the fact that a baby’s ability to learn is astounding! When we compare the knowledge of a newly born baby to that of a yearling child, it’s really astonishing to think about all of the thousands of things that child has learned in just a year. As someone who’s watched EC work more than once with my own children, I can assure you that babies learn something from it.
I have never met a physically normal child that didn’t learn to walk, regardless of their parent’s methods for assisting their learning. I would say the same is true with potty independence. Children learn, like the rest of us, from observation and participation. It is, in fact, quite impossible to practice EC with a child for all that time and have them learn nothing about using a potty.
Furthermore, I wish to touch on this apparently negative idea about “parent training”. I can’t think of anything baby-care related that is NOT “parent-training”. If my baby cries, I am immediately moved to respond to that cry and fill whatever need my baby has. If that isn’t parent-training, I don’t know what is! I guess you could say that yes, EC is “parent-training” as well as feeding the baby, clothing the baby, rocking the baby and anything else you can think of that nurtures and communicates your love to your child. I can’t imagine what could be wrong with that!
In closing, I feel I’ve made a good case against the commonly perceived “cons” of EC. In light of all the benefits of EC, I feel the only significant con is that it’s no longer common-place in Western Society.
